I missed you tomorrow

Here I am sitting in this fancy French restaurant, going through the menu again and again and having a hard time what to order. I look up to ask what do you want to eat, but realize I am alone. 

I go back in time when I would just sit and gaze out of the window and you would know what I wanted to eat.

'Hi Mam, what would you like to order'. The voice of the waiter brings me back to today and all I can order is a coffee. I have lost my appetite.I miss you!

Its 9 pm and i have nothing to do. I google to decide which movie I want to watch. Its a Kiera Knightley movie today-'The last night'. 'Did you see her shoes, aren't they gorgeous!' The silence in the movie makes me realize I am watching the movie alone. 'Yes they are gorgeous' I say to myself. I miss you!

I have been working too much. I am stressed. I need to go shopping to help me relax and feel good. I venture into the adjacent shopping mall and end up in the shoes store. Black or blue or grey or tan?Which 1 should I pick. I look around to ask for someone's opinion, but there is no one to answer me. It was so much easy when you would just say this is better and I would instantly pick that up.I can't decide and just leave the store. I miss you!

I am out for a walk, and I cross by this tower which is always decked up in lights. I call it my pretty building.

I feel good about my looks today. I want a picture with the pretty building as the backdrop.I want a full shot of the building and me. But...who do I ask to capture the moment. I miss you!

Its a beautiful evening and I am just returning back from work. I cross this place called The Wine Story. I see inside through the glass doors and see couples and friends everywhere. I don't want to go alone. I keep walking towards my hotel. I miss you!

Its been a long and tiring day at office. And I want to talk about it, but you are still at office, busy with your work and by the time you get back, I would probably be asleep. I miss you!

I missed you yesterday and I miss you today and I know I will miss you tomorrow,wherever I am, whatever I am doing, I will always miss you! So I can always say I missed you tomorrow.

Her end of the promise

Feb,2013

"Come here", "I miss you" he said.
"I miss you too" she said."I will be there soon,before you realize it.I love you."
"Okay,I gotta run to office,I am getting late.Catch you later." he said

She rolled over in the bed, and yearned to be by his side,hold his hands. Her days now were just about waiting to be with him.She had never known she will find such love. She never knew before that such love existed. She was happy,that's all that mattered to her.


April,2013

"What is wrong?Tell me what's bothering you?"
"Nothing.I just need some rest.It was a long day,I am tired" he said
She didn't like his reply. She kept thinking what she could have done/said wrong to make him sulk.

May,2013

"I can't do this anymore. If you don't want me in your life,tell me.I know I wouldn't get any answer which will justify why you are doing all this." That's all she could text him and she never got any reply. It was over. She could feel that.

Jan,2014

"Are you here?" he pinged
Memories,which she thought never had existed came back to her and she could feel herself getting choked.
"Yes" she replied.
"How long are you going to be here"
What do you care,she thought.

It's 10 in the night.She just got back to her room. Her thoughts went back to him.
All she could think was that she had kept her end of the promise, but the promise no longer seemed valid.
"I am here but what do I do now that I am here. The purpose of wanting to be here is gone." was all she could think through the night.

Why??

2nd April,2010- I bought my first smart phone, well at that time Nokia 5233 was definitely a smart phone! That was what I bought with my first salary. Needless to say, I was ecstatic. By April,2011 I had dropped my phone so many times that it looked like it would die any moment. Somewhere around the same time I laid my eyes on Samsung Galaxy S2. Checking out the price, my mind said, "Well, your monthly pay is less than the price of the phone!". I changed cities, got a hike though minimal and finally by the time I resigned from my first job, I bought myself  a Samsung phone. Nope not S2 but S3. I had contemplated between many brands but my love for Samsung stood out. My happiness knew no bounds when I got this phone. I was so badly addicted to it like I had never been to anything else. I was constantly clicking pictures anywhere I went. Owing to this, I had a new found interest in photography. And thus was born the urge to own a DSLR. But where was the money, given the fact that I am a shopaholic and can never manage to save anything by the end of the month. Well, finally my prayers were answered and after a lot of research and consultation, I bought the Nikon D3200. To say the truth I haven't got much time to play around with it afterwards. 

So I sit here now and think what happens after we achieve what we wanted. Why doesn't the feeling of euphoria stay with us forever. It feels like the world before you have it and once it is yours, nothing! So is it just the thought of possessing something that drives us to do what we do? Or is it something else?  

I am always happy after achieving something, but after that I want something else. That's the eternal cycle what life is all about I think. We live our life in these small goals and achievements and are motivated to better ourselves daily. The day I wake up and feel I have got everything I wanted, what will I do through the day? Today I want to see all the famous movies, read all books by the different great authors, travel to a new place every year, learn to cook varied cuisine dishes and so on and so forth and I hope I add new things to this list everyday.

Addicted..to what??

               I remember waking up with a cup of tea since I was in class 6. I tried giving up on tea numerous times, but without any luck. So I was a self proclaimed tea addict, till I landed up in Manila. I went without tea for 2 weeks and I survived!! I wasn't affected in any way, no headaches, no brain damage. So what is this addiction people talk about? What happens when they don't get it ?  I went around asking my friends about their addictions and came to know a lot more about them in the process. A friend said he really liked eating chicken when he was a kid, but he gave up eating non-vegetarian food when he was in class 8 and has never even had a thought of going back to it. He is too much into alcohol and cigarettes but says he can give that up too, just that he hasn't put his mind to it yet. Another person says she was addicted to medicines to overcome her OCD problems but then she has not taken the medicines for the past 1 year and is hale and hearty now. Now and then she goes through a phase when she thinks if she should go back to the medicines, but her resolve remains unshaken.
             Now I wonder if we are addicted to only things? When you fall apart with a person you love, life becomes miserable. Its very difficult to carry on. So does that mean we are addicted to people too?? But then we meet new people everyday. What are the factors which decide whom are we addicted to? I have been trying to think of 1 thing that I can say am addicted to but cant think of anything that stands constant.
I have my flings with movies, television series, cooking, music lessons but nothing lasts long. I get bored after sometime and go out to search something new again. So does that mean addiction arises out of boredom, and ends with getting bored with it? Or does it take more than boredom to get addicted? And what does it take to overcome that??

Memories

They are always there, lurking behind the shadows
Even when it seems you have forgotten all about it
When you are caught up with the new things in life
From nowhere, all of a sudden they come rushing to you
Embracing you in their mist
Making you happy and sad- both at the same time
You can't change them, you can only cherish them
Or try to forget them
They are the only bond with the times gone by
They are Memories, which take us back in time,
Which make us smile,
which make us cry, which make us laugh, which make us vexed..
Memories.. plenty remaining to be etched.


 

Educated- Are we??

                     Education- is that what a school promises to deliver. Or is it literacy alone? When we put a child in a school, do we expect him to only learn the alphabets or do we also expect that eventually he will be able to soothe someone with the usage of those alphabets? Doesn't it come as a package- literacy and education? The more I see around myself, I get the unwanted answer to my question above as a big NO.

                      I take the public transport to work. So does a majority of other Indians. I see people going to school, college ,work. But what astonishes me is the fact that even when an elderly person, someone the same age as our granny, is standing, no one bothers to offer her a seat. It saddens me. Once I asked a girl if she would let an older lady sit, she just decided to ignore me as if she dint hear me! Would we sit and let our mother or grandmother stand in that crowded bus? Where are our morals? I remember having a subject called Moral Science in primary school.

                     That was a just an incident from my life which I get to witness almost everyday now. How is it that we can get people educated. Or is it something that comes from within? Not throwing stuff onto the roads, giving respect to another individual, having the courage to speak up if you witness something wrong, is it too much too ask for?
I believe in the saying: "Be the change you wish to see in the world."
So lets start the change! Lets make our world a better place to live. The change begins within you.


 

My kid sister!

                               In the month of August ,2011, I came to Bangalore and initially put up at my aunt's place. My aunt has 2 kids; the son- Bittu was in class 8 and the daughter- Niki in class 7 at that time. I started looking for some place nearer to my office where I could shift, but nothing worked out and finally I decided to stay with my aunt till I could find any suitable accommodation. In no time I became great friends with my cousins, inspite of the huge age difference. For me they were my way back to childhood and for them I was the sister who pampered them like anything. This went on for more than a year before I found a place and a roommate to shift with. So in November,2012 I moved to 'my home 'in Bangalore. Niki was especially very sad. But then we move on.
                    19th July is Niki's birthday and I went back to their place this year to celebrate her birthday. It was pouring cats and dogs since evening. I got half drenched on the way. Dinner plans at mainland china got cancelled.
So in the time that my aunt was cooking us dinner, me and Niki sat down to watch The Hulk. But before that something happened. I had shared the room with her when I used to stay there. Even now when I go to there, I am in her room most of the time. As soon as I entered and crashed on the bed,
Niki- Di, I want your suggestion...
Me- About?
Niki- There is a guy in my class , Shubh. He asked me out today.
Me- What!!! Asked you out??means???
Niki- He just said will you go out with me?
Me (Confused)- He wants to take you some place??
Niki- He wants to date me !

I almost fell out of the bed! God! Is this my kid sister I am speaking to!
Then I realised she is a teenager already. Yes! she had turned 13 this year. She was no more a kid. Then I regained my composure and

Me- So what did you tell him??
Niki- I said let me think about it. I did not know what to say. I had a crush on him previously but not now.
Me (Proud of my sister)- Good! Very good!
Niki- What should I tell him
Me- What do you want to do?
Niki- I don't know. I don't like all these things. But I don't want to hurt him. He is a nice guy. He played the guitar for me today.
Me- hmm...tell him lets be friends for now. We will think about all this later.
Niki- hmm.. even I was thinking of the same.

Then we started watching the movie. It was a good one. But the entire evening I kept going back to our conversation and eventually was reminded of my own school days and how guys interested in me used to be scared of coming up to me with the question and it always used to be through some friend.

Next day in the evening, me and Niki went out to pantaloons to buy her birthday gift. She wanted a dress but we dint find anything nice. She picked up 2 tshirts. Sale time at the store tempted me to try on 2 or 3 pairs of jeans. Waiting in the queue, I realized I had got a size bigger than I needed and asked Niki if she would get me the smaller size.

Niki- Yeah I will go get it; anyways the guy at that counter is very cute!

I literally had my jaws open! I dint know how to respond to that. Because no matter how old she grows, I guess she will always be my kid sister whom I think I have to protect from the world.
She went and then I realized my days of flirting or calling guys cute were over. It made me feel old! Huh!! How long I have come in my life to start feeling old already.

As we walked out of the store , I thought no matter how old I age, I will always be Niki's elder sister who will have answers to all her questions and that thought made me smile.